You learn about life as you live, and the other way round. Learning and living are in bijection. One doesn't beat the other. Living probably stays a step ahead most of the times, but not always. This figment is one such case in my perpetual discussion on life and its purpose.
You are born innocent and ignorant, though programmed with some "fore-knowledge". Then comes your first acquisition of worldly knowledge in the form or material perception. You learn about a few "things" and, unknowingly, obsess with some. In the next stage, you learn about "obsession" as an article itself, along with another multitude of non-materials. That's exciting, and you also know you're "excited". You're probably an adolescent now. You spend the next couple of years tearing the hair from all metaphysics and, in varying choices, teach yourself to master some of these meta-articles. Desire was definitely one such for me.
I taught myself, or so I think, to make my desires voluntary, and to be indifferent. Voluntary, I said. That is the demon in hiding. When you finally do encounter it, things begin to fall apart like never before. You doubt all that learning and principles you developed on your first meet with the meta-world. You doubt the very foundation of it. And if you happen to read "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance" somewhere around this time, things only get worse.
You don't know anymore why "reason" should be superior to "feel". You're not sure why you wanted that control over your desires really. The control is not the bother. It's what to do with it. There isn't a straight direction to take. In fact, I don't know if there is any objective to life at all on which to base your decisions with that sacred control you so worshiped. And you think, think and think but it gives you no lead. All you wish now is to be that innocent and ignorant self again, governed by involuntary nature-programmed emotions; to be no longer holding that leash to yourself. And be obsessed once again, without reason. And to live in it than the void.
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1 comment:
I agree with the entire blog post. But I feel more. I feel there is something worth doing what you just stated you started doing. I want to control my emotions and have a reason for it. And yet, I also want to go back to the innocent and perhaps ignorant state of mind, which I knew was the cause of absloute innocent emotions, none of which could be treated as negative in an adolscents mind.
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